If at first you don't succeed, then you clearly didn't drink enough coffee.

All you need is love. And Coffee.

To call decaf coffee weak would imply that it's even coffee.

I wake up every morning for my coffee. I mean, kids. I wake up for my kids.

My doctor says I drink too much coffee so I don't drink it anymore. But I don't drink it any less, either.

Professional Pothead

If you are reading this, you owe me a coffee.

You wanna hear a weak joke? Decaf.

Have an adequate day. Anything else would be excessive.

Morning Forecast:
Slightly exhausted with 100% chance of needing coffee. Scattered sarcastic comments through the afternoon.

Coffee spelled backwards is eeffoc. As in, I don't give an eeffoc until I've had my coffee.

Reigning "Most Toxic Employee" champ

Big fan of bees. Will Critcher's nemisis.

Without coffee, I wouldn't be the perky foul-mouthed person I am today.

All you need is love. And Coffee.

No one looks back and remembers all the nights they got plenty of sleep.

Have an adequate day. Anything else would be excessive.

I've stopped drinking coffee for good. Starting now, I only drink coffee for evil.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Life's a b*!%# and coffee's a must.

Coffee is the Black Sabbath of beverages.

I need a coffee, a tattoo, and a vacation.

You can't buy happiness but you can buy coffee and donuts, and that's pretty much the same thing.

I love having coffee with my friends. And by friends I mean coffee. Coffee is my friend.

It’s ok if you don’t like coffee. Not everyone has good taste.

Let's get baked!...goods and coffee.

Coffee comes from a plant, which technically means I've had four salads today.

Coffee is like a punch in the face but from an angel.

People yell at me for my attitude, but they haven't even seen me without coffee.

I'm done drinking coffee for good. Starting now I only drink coffee for evil.

Without coffee, I wouldn't be the perky foul-mouthed person I am today.

If you drink coffee without spilling it on yourself, did you really drink it?

I could never be Batman, but with enough coffee, I come pretty f#&*ing close.

I'm not saying I'm a better person after coffee. I'm just saying that I'm better at keeping my thoughts to myself.

I can't tell if I need a coffee, a nap, or an exorcism.

If you are reading this, you owe me a coffee.

I only drink coffee as black as my soul

Me: I think I would actually die without coffee.

Coworker: What?

Me: I said good morning

94% of people drink coffee and the remaining 6% cry a lot.

I love it when someone says "You look tired" so I can tell them "You look stupid."

All you need is love. And coffee. Lots of coffee.

Coffee is like a punch in the face but from an angel.

I'm much more of a morning person in the afternoon.

Due to unfortunate circumstances I'm awake.

The key to a happy life is coffee and friendship but mostly coffee.

At this point I don't know if coffee is a hobby or a survival instinct.

You miss 100% of the coffees you don't drink.

Due to unfortunate circumstances, I'm awake.

Give me coffee to change the things I can change and heavy metal to accept the things I can't.

First I coffee, then I adult. Well, adult-ish.

I make my coffee at home now because it saves me a lot of money and also I said "you too" when the barista at my local coffee shop said "enjoy your latte" so I can't go back there.

I like me coffee like I like my nights: dark, endless, and impossible to sleep through.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Decaf is gross. That's why I don't drink it.

I like big cups and I cannot lie.

You can come out now. I've had my coffee.

First I coffee, then I adult. Well, adult-ish.

I only need coffee on days ending in "Y".

Okay, okay. I've had my coffee, you can bother me now.

I stopped drinking coffee for good. As of now, I only drink coffee for evil.

You wanna hear a weak joke? Decaf.

If this morning had a face I'd punch it.

The dinosaurs didn't drink coffee, and we all know how that turned out.

Wait, I thought a balanced diet was holding a coffee in each hand.

Coffee is the Black Sabbath of beverages.

Ah, nothing like the smell of freshly brewed psychotic rage stabilizer in the morning.

Let's get baked!...goods and coffee.

I only need coffee on days ending in "Y".

Wait, I thought a balanced diet was holding a coffee in each hand.

In dog coffee's I've only had 2.

"Me before coffee: judgmental and sarcastic. Me after coffee: judgmental and sarcastic, but faster"

I'm thankful for big coffee, small coffee, hot coffee, cold coffee, you not touching my coffee or I'll set everything you love on fire coffee, all coffee.

The only acceptable substitute for coffee is two coffees.