If at first you don't succeed, then you clearly didn't drink enough coffee.

Coffee is a high-five to your mouth.

All you need is love. And Coffee.

My doctor says I drink too much coffee so I don't drink it anymore. But I don't drink it any less, either.

Professional Pothead

If you are reading this, you owe me a coffee.

You wanna hear a weak joke? Decaf.

Without coffee, I wouldn't be the perky foul-mouthed person I am today.

Have an adequate day. Anything else would be excessive.

Coffee spelled backwards is eeffoc. As in, I don't give an eeffoc until I've had my coffee.

Reigning "Most Toxic Employee" champ

Morning Forecast:
Slightly exhausted with 100% chance of needing coffee. Scattered sarcastic comments through the afternoon.

Big fan of bees. Will Critcher's nemisis.

No one looks back and remembers all the nights they got plenty of sleep.

All you need is love. And Coffee.

Have an adequate day. Anything else would be excessive.

I've stopped drinking coffee for good. Starting now, I only drink coffee for evil.

Coffee is the Black Sabbath of beverages.

I need a coffee, a tattoo, and a vacation.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Life's a b*!%# and coffee's a must.

You can't buy happiness but you can buy coffee and donuts, and that's pretty much the same thing.

I love having coffee with my friends. And by friends I mean coffee. Coffee is my friend.

Let's get baked!...goods and coffee.

Without coffee, I wouldn't be the perky foul-mouthed person I am today.

It’s ok if you don’t like coffee. Not everyone has good taste.

How many cups do I drink a day? All of them.

Coffee comes from a plant, which technically means I've had four salads today.

I'm done drinking coffee for good. Starting now I only drink coffee for evil.

Coffee is like a punch in the face but from an angel.

People yell at me for my attitude, but they haven't even seen me without coffee.

I'm not saying I'm a better person after coffee. I'm just saying that I'm better at keeping my thoughts to myself.

I could never be Batman, but with enough coffee, I come pretty f#&*ing close.

Coffee is the Black Sabbath of beverages.

I can't tell if I need a coffee, a nap, or an exorcism.

If you are reading this, you owe me a coffee.

I only drink coffee as black as my soul

I just took a blood test and it turns out I'm 100% addicted to coffee.

I'm much more of a morning person in the afternoon.

Me: I think I would actually die without coffee.

Coworker: What?

Me: I said good morning

Let's get baked!...goods and coffee.

94% of people drink coffee and the remaining 6% cry a lot.

I love it when someone says "You look tired" so I can tell them "You look stupid."

All you need is love. And coffee. Lots of coffee.

Coffee is like a punch in the face but from an angel.

I'm much more of a morning person in the afternoon.

Teh best part of waking up is making it down the stairs without falling.

Due to unfortunate circumstances I'm awake.

Coffee makes me feel like I have my sh*t together. I don't, but it makes me feel like I do.

Never underestimate the healing power of these 3 things: Coffee, Naps, Exorcism.

If you drink coffee without spilling it on yourself, did you really drink it?

The key to a happy life is coffee and friendship but mostly coffee.

At this point I don't know if coffee is a hobby or a survival instinct.

You miss 100% of the coffees you don't drink.

Due to unfortunate circumstances, I'm awake.

Give me coffee to change the things I can change and heavy metal to accept the things I can't.

First I coffee, then I adult. Well, adult-ish.

I make my coffee at home now because it saves me a lot of money and also I said "you too" when the barista at my local coffee shop said "enjoy your latte" so I can't go back there.

I like me coffee like I like my nights: dark, endless, and impossible to sleep through.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Decaf is gross. That's why I don't drink it.

I like big cups and I cannot lie.

How many cups do I drink a day? All of them.

You can come out now. I've had my coffee.

First I coffee, then I adult. Well, adult-ish.

I only need coffee on days ending in "Y".

Okay, okay. I've had my coffee, you can bother me now.

I stopped drinking coffee for good. As of now, I only drink coffee for evil.

You wanna hear a weak joke? Decaf.

If this morning had a face I'd punch it.

The dinosaurs didn't drink coffee, and we all know how that turned out.

Wait, I thought a balanced diet was holding a coffee in each hand.

Without coffee, I wouldn't be the perky foul-mouthed person I am today.

Coffee is the Black Sabbath of beverages.

Ah, nothing like the smell of freshly brewed psychotic rage stabilizer in the morning.

Let's get baked!...goods and coffee.

I only need coffee on days ending in "Y".

Due to unfortunate circumstances, I'm awake.

Wait, I thought a balanced diet was holding a coffee in each hand.