If at first you don't succeed, then you clearly didn't drink enough coffee.

Coffee is a high-five to your mouth.

All you need is love. And Coffee.

My doctor says I drink too much coffee so I don't drink it anymore. But I don't drink it any less, either.

Professional Pothead

If you are reading this, you owe me a coffee.

You wanna hear a weak joke? Decaf.

My favorite co-worker is the coffee machine.

Have an adequate day. Anything else would be excessive.

Coffee spelled backwards is eeffoc. As in, I don't give an eeffoc until I've had my coffee.

I learned everything I know from Shannon Sweeney

Morning Forecast:
Slightly exhausted with 100% chance of needing coffee. Scattered sarcastic comments through the afternoon.

Big fan of bees. Will Critcher's nemisis.

The only substitute for a good cup of coffee is two good cups of coffee.

No one looks back and remembers all the nights they got plenty of sleep.

All you need is love. And Coffee.

Have an adequate day. Anything else would be excessive.

I've stopped drinking coffee for good. Starting now, I only drink coffee for evil.

Coffee is the Black Sabbath of beverages.

I need a coffee, a tattoo, and a vacation.

Without coffee, I wouldn't be the perky foul-mouthed person I am today.

I love having coffee with my friends. And by friends I mean coffee. Coffee is my friend.

You can't buy happiness but you can buy coffee and donuts, and that's pretty much the same thing.

Let's get baked!...goods and coffee.

Coffee comes from a plant, which technically means I've had four salads today.

How many cups do I drink a day? All of them.

It’s ok if you don’t like coffee. Not everyone has good taste.

I'm done drinking coffee for good. Starting now I only drink coffee for evil.

If you are reading this, you owe me a coffee.

People yell at me for my attitude, but they haven't even seen me without coffee.

I just took a blood test and it turns out I'm 100% addicted to coffee.

I only drink coffee as black as my soul

Coffee is the Black Sabbath of beverages.

Coffee is like a punch in the face but from an angel.

I could never be Batman, but with enough coffee, I come pretty f#&*ing close.

I'm much more of a morning person in the afternoon.

Let's get baked!...goods and coffee.

94% of people drink coffee and the remaining 6% cry a lot.

I love it when someone says "You look tired" so I can tell them "You look stupid."

All you need is love. And coffee. Lots of coffee.

Coffee is like a punch in the face but from an angel.

I'm much more of a morning person in the afternoon.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Life's a b*!%# and coffee's a must.

Coffee makes me feel like I have my sh*t together. I don't, but it makes me feel like I do.

Before coffee: Dead inside. After coffee: dead inside, but alert.

Never underestimate the healing power of these 3 things: Coffee, Naps, Exorcism.

You miss 100% of the coffees you don't drink.

Due to unfortunate circumstances, I'm awake.

First I coffee, then I adult. Well, adult-ish.

I like me coffee like I like my nights: dark, endless, and impossible to sleep through.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Decaf is gross. That's why I don't drink it.

I like big cups and I cannot lie.

How many cups do I drink a day? All of them.

You can come out now. I've had my coffee.

First I coffee, then I adult. Well, adult-ish.

I only need coffee on days ending in "Y".

Okay, okay. I've had my coffee, you can bother me now.

I stopped drinking coffee for good. As of now, I only drink coffee for evil.

Good morning to everyone except those who prefer tea over coffee.

You wanna hear a weak joke? Decaf.

If this morning had a face I'd punch it.

The dinosaurs didn't drink coffee, and we all know how that turned out.

Wait, I thought a balanced diet was holding a coffee in each hand.

Without coffee, I wouldn't be the perky foul-mouthed person I am today.

Coffee is the Black Sabbath of beverages.

Ah, nothing like the smell of freshly brewed psychotic rage stabilizer in the morning.

I'll tell you what's wrong with the world. Not enough people drink from the skulls of their enemies anymore.

Let's get baked!...goods and coffee.