Does Coffee Sober You Up?

Here in Upstate NY, we at Death Wish like to get involved with as many local events as we can. After teaming up with a few distilleries for the Barrel Aged line, we have been finding ourselves sampling coffee at distillery and brewery events more and more often. It's a lot of fun.
As people would walk through the beer events, I'd offer them some strong coffee. After all, it's nice to have a bit of a perk when drinking and eating heavily. We get a lot of funny questions ("will this coffee kill me?"), but the strangest thing I've learned from these events was that people still think that coffee will sober you up. This is an extremely dangerous notion for people who plan to drive.
 "No coffee for me, I don't want to lose my buzz!"

Coffee will not sober you up. Ever.

Coffee will wake you up and make you think you are not as drunk, which may be even worse (especially for driving).  The false concept that coffee will sober you up is one of the most dangerous old wive's tails that have ever existed. Not driving? Caffeine and booze can be a fun combination. If you're driving, coffee won't make it any more safe.
To recap, here's a fun flow chart to figure out whether or not you should drive a car:
Thanks for listening. Share this with your friends!