Gifts by the Stars: Zodiac Gift Guide
By DeathWishCoffee — / Lifestyle
The Best Gifts for Every Zodiac
As the Death Wish Coffee Zodiac Series winds down and Holiday 2021 approaches like a tinsel-decked bat out of hell, we’d be remiss not to leave you with one final horoscope. Curated with each sign and constellation in mind, here is the Grim Reaper’s guide to gift-giving by the stars.
Get the G.O.A.T. a gaming mousepad so they can stay grounded in their workspace and crush their opponents in the next late-night gaming conquest. Pair it with the most efficient and bada** way to caffeinate—a 50-count box of Death Cups. They’ll respect you, which means more to Caps than love, anyway.
Wondering what to get the idealist who actually hates Christmas? We recommend a coffee subscription, a baller hoodie and a box set of The X-Files to fuel them during their cyclical hermit, conspiracy-theory rabbit hole phases. (They still have a DVD player just to be weird.)
Give those ethereal little fishes in your life the gift of self-care—like the World’s Strongest Self Care Kit. Packed in a forever fresh-to-death travel pouch so this water sign can bring their peppermint-scented and coffee-infused essentials on-the-go. Wrap these gifts lavishly in silk paper and ribbons and leave them anonymously on their doorstep on Christmas Eve.
All the ram really wants for Christmas is to be in control—which explains their competitive and hardworking personalities. In order to ram headfirst into competition, they need a sufficient get up. Gift them the perfect set to compete in confidence—the Death Bolt Bra and Leggings and a Big Bolt Chug for refueling. We recommend filling it with Cold Brew to cool down their legendary hot temper.
Ruled by Venus, the planet of beauty and love, these earth signs appreciate the bougier things in life. Talk about a BULLS-EYE gift for all kinds of earth sign luxuriating: a set of velvet throw pillows for napping and a comfy sock set for lounging and running to the store for more coffee.
Gifts for the verbose and ever-moving Twins? A two-pack of journals—one for each personality. And a compact pair of binoculars so that they can keep abreast of neighborhood gossip from their desk while working on their screenplay. Add a glow-in-the-dark windbreaker for quick wardrobe changes between happy hours and mood swings.
Treat Cancers to a weighted blanket so they can feel a hug even when they’re keeping you at arm’s length. Stuff this water sign’s stocking with a stockpile of coffee-infused self-care products for their legendary, hours-long crab soaks. And they’ll love cooking Sunday dinners with their new lucky apron—did someone hear the smoke alarm go off?
Give the lions in your life even more ways to love themselves. An Empowermint Self-Care Kit will ensure they maintain their famous glow, love notes for handing out to their large circle of friends and lovers (and themselves, duh) and a coffee canister to loyally look after their favorite beans.
For the ultimate neat freak—wrap up this Gooseneck Stovetop Kettle—ideal for their carefully curated kitchen, office or anywhere else they are obsessively cleaning. This Never Burn Apron will make them feel in CHARGE during any task. And these elevated chocolate-covered dark roast beans will help them finally chill the f*ck out after a hard day’s work cleaning up other people’s messes.
The sign of the scales will love, love, love this beautifully bronzed coffee canister for storing their precious goods. Ruled by sensuous and loving Venus, they appreciate the finer things in life—like Organic + Fair Trade Coffee. Buy in bulk for this air sign as they love entertaining non-stop company in their well-decked abode, as Libras hate to caffeinate, or do anything, alone.
Surprise a Scorpion with an effortless yet polished workout tank—perfect for quick dressing, as they’re busy planning world domination. And add a sleek tumbler for keeping their iced coffee as cold as their steely, penetrating gaze. Toss in a stealth baseball hat—ideal for flirting, brooding, stealing catnaps and even concealing ultra-rare tears.
For the wanderlust archer that can’t stop talking about planning their next trip? A grab + go cooler, a hoodie for adventures, a copy of Paolo Coelho's “The Alchemist” and a camper mug for piping-hot coffee while they’re “on their journey” into understanding that they need to. Sit. Down.
Still feeling torn? Just ask them their rising sign and hit the stores to get your gifts in time. Mugs up to a highly caffeinated holiday and new year!